Meital Cohen Navarro’s OVER MY DEAD BODY explores the shared heartbreak of a Jewish Iranian family torn apart over a daughter marrying a Muslim man

As Nia Vardalos found out when My Big Fat Greek Wedding became a massive hit, engagements the world over have more in common than they do differences. It is the differences, however, that make each culture’s version compelling. And that’s true whether the wedding actually happens or not. In Meital Cohen Navarro’s Over My Dead Body, which just screened at the San Luis Obispo International Film Festival, a Persian Jewish family is delighted that their daughter Isfahan is engaged to her longtime boyfriend Kambiz. Until they learn that Kambiz is Muslim, making any union between the families an absolute no-no for the parents.

A twist in the production is that most of the actors playing Jewish are in fact Muslim, furthering the idea that every family can relate to the challenges of tradition against the heart. The specifics make the film particularly interesting, but most cultures have some familiarity with the general idea. No matter which side they’ve found themselves on.

We spoke to Navarro about all the ways her film hits a nerve. [Answers have been slightly edited for clarity]

1. The great thing about stories of parental marriage approval is that they are simultaneously so universal and so culturally specific. Which was more on your mind when making the movie — the universality of the need for parental approval, or the portrayal of a culture viewers might not know enough about?

I believe that as a filmmaker, we don’t invent anything; we take a conflict that exists in the world and we all tell the same story and same issues: love, death, marriage, divorce, and many other experiences within life. In this film, I chose to touch on the universal need for parental marriage approval. As well as many other sub-themes in this film.

To answer your question, I always wanted to explore intergenerational conflicts, but I didn’t know when or what it will be. When I moved to LA, I was introduced to the Persian-Jewish-Iranian community, which reminds me of home, I was inspired to tell this story. It was natural. I decided to go on a journey exploring more details by interviewing members of the Los Angeles Persian Jewish community. I focused on what was considered socially and religiously taboo and why the younger generations find themselves marrying within their community. My research revealed to me their attitudes toward marriage, tradition, and the meaning of family.

So I think it came together, the theme of exploring the taboo of intermarriage and universality of intergenerational conflict with the Persian culture’s portrayal.  I am always looking for a new way to paint the familiar story and be the voice of people who can’t be heard, or new cultures that are unrepresented. Still, I will try to be part of or deeply connected to the community I tell the story about. I always ask myself, should it be framed in the Jewish context, or non-Jewish context, American or not? But I decided to explore a Jewish story because it touches on my own life and experiences.

After talking so much about the culture, what’s funny is that when I had a screening before locking the picture, I had a small concern that people who are not Jewish would have difficulty relating to the characters. So in the screening, I had people from all over the world and all religions except Jewish (a type of focus group). At the end of the screening, nobody talked about the Jewish religion or the Persian culture within the film, but the common reaction was about how they could relate to the story from their own experiences. I saw that people were not limited in their experience of the film due to the family’s specific identities, but were moved by the emotions and experience of the characters due to their histories.

2. At the same time, the story feels so emotional and personal, the obvious question is does it draw on any real-life experience?

My life has deeply defined and affected my writing and filmmaking, especially with Over My Dead Body. I’m a grandchild of Yemenite and Moroccan immigrants who moved to Israel in the early 50’s under the “melting pot” absorption policy.

The older generation who have immigrated from Islamic countries, such as my grandparents, faced many difficulties and were at risk of being assimilated to the new culture especially due to negative stereotypes prevalent among the rest of the population. The country’s longtime residents, most of whom were from Europe, thought the immigrants had a less refined culture. They feared that the immigrants like my grandparents would slow down the development of the country. This caused this generation to dig in their heels and try to avoidthe influence of the surrounding culture. This reinforced the idea that their beliefs must be upheld and would be the tool to protect the next generation from the unknown new culture.

As a youth, I felt the clash between the two different worlds: the traditional conservative world and the modern liberal one. At the time I did not understand the need for this gap. I simply rebelled against everything that felt like outdated ideas.

My family in the film, and my family in real-life are very similar in terms of dynamics, conflicts, and values – at least they were as I was growing up. But to be fair to them, many things have changed over the years. I couldn’t tell the story so authentically, without coming from a similar background.

When I made this film, I interviewed many people from the community. I think that it was the first time that I was finally able to understand my parents and put myself in their shoes. I could understand what they had gone through which formed their values and opinions.

I came to this film with the desire to reconcile these differences between the generations. Made me more tolerant for the older generation, with whom I had my own conflicts as a young woman. Filmmaking has allowed me to explore the clash between the traditional and the contemporary, the values of each world, and how they demonstrate their effects on individuals.

3. I have to tell you, my wife came in towards the tail-end of the movie and immediately began yelling at the parents on screen. Is this a common reaction so far?

I wish that I could have been a fly on the wall to hear your wife’s reaction. LOL

I am aware that some people could find the film to be controversial. Each person with their own experiences will have a different reaction and sensitivities.

In fact, over the past week, I have received many messages from viewers who have been affected by the film in a variety of ways. Some of the people identified with Isfahan, especially those who are second-generation immigrants in America. I’m getting feedback from the audience who are upset that she didn’t leave home, because to them it’s the obvious answer. Others are also torn between respecting their parents and their origins, and the modern world that they are a part of especially in immigrant families or families from countries that have internal conflicts between religions.

At the same time, some of the viewers really identified with the parents and their perspective of the conflict because they still think that assimilation is a big threat to their religion or communities. They are not necessarily Persian or Jewish, but from many other backgrounds.

4. On the other hand — are there audience members who have sympathized more with the parents, since they are such fully realized characters as well?

I think that the audience can better empathize than sympathize with the characters. You can put yourself in their shoes, as you hear their story unfold. I could easily have portrayed Isfahan as the angel and the rest of the family as evil. But it wouldn’t do justice to the complexity of the issue.

This is the first time, in the writing of this film, that I put myself in my parents’ and grandparent’s shoes. Until now, I thought that my parents were doing everything without any logic and just being hard on me. I grew up in such a different environment than they did. In a way, this film made me think more deeply about where they are coming from, and I believe that when people empathize with the characters, they will be able to create a bridge to open up a dialogue between the generations. I always believed that life is not black and white and to live in a relationship with others, you need to take time to learn about their point of view. Especially in conflict, in order to have a healthy discussion, you need to take the other’s position into consideration and from there to have a mature dialogue.

Isfahan’s parents aren’t evil, but they have failed to see the story from the other side. I hope the film will help families with generational rifts to understand the other side of their own stories: the parents will see the toll it has on their children through Isfahan’s devastation, and the younger generation will see the parents’ equally heartbreaking cultural challenges.

5. Kambiz, the fiancee, is very quickly removed from the story so we never really get to know him. In your mind, is there anything he could have said or done to make the difference, or was he removed because his words would have been irrelevant no matter what?

First of all, Kambiz was representative of the bomb that was dropped on the family. Obviously, his words would not have been irrelevant. Secondly, “Kambiz” could have been anything else; Isfahan could have been lesbian, x or y. I choose to touch on this taboo because I feel that this is a very orthodox or Jewish relevant issue; maybe people don’t feel comfortable talking about it nowadays, especially as our world becomes more diverse. But you can’t believe how much it’s there, and everywhere.

Although we are in 2021, the world is often divided by religion, ethnic groups, and cultures. So when it comes to marriage between different groups, it hits a nerve because parents desire to preserve their identity throughout generations, creating a conflict between ideals. The film is not about Kambiz trying to fight for his love. It’s about Isfahan fighting for her freedom to choose how to live her life.

This story is about a common struggle amongst women throughout the world. In these situations, when conflicts arise between themselves and their parents with old-world traditions and rules, they can have devastating effects where the daughters are forced to choose between remaining as a member of the family (and doing as they are told) or choosing their freedoms and risking becoming disowned. From my perspective, in the case of daughters and sons, they will be treated differently.

The conflict between Isfahan and her parents is much deeper than the superficial issue of marriage. She was aware of the pressure and expectations as she made decisions in the past – her education, job, and friends. As she says in the film, she made decisions out of respect for her family and not freely following her heart. She knew that this conflict would arise but decided to hide it from her parents, hoping that time and familiarity would influence their opinions.

6. How hard was it for them (the actors) to bring humanity to the roles of characters who hate who they are in real life?

You are very provocative in the format of your question. First of all, I think that hate is the wrong word. The family doesn’t hate Muslims. They believe that they are different, so they shouldn’t get involved with each other from a religious perspective. This film could easily represent Muslim families since they also hold on to their traditions and believe that they need to not marry into another religion, or even between Shia or Sunni theologies. And still, it could have been any number of different ideals in any country or religion.

Specifically for this family, leaving Iran after living there for generations, they bring their values and beliefs. Before the Iranian revolution in 1979, the Jews and Muslims lived in harmony. But after the regime changed and became the Islamic Republic of Iran, their lives changed and they became an obvious minority. So I don’t think that it comes from hate, but fear and a desire to survive. The fear didn’t belong only to Jewish people but also to the Baha’i people living in Iran at the time. They shared the same experience.

Being a minority in a radical Islamic country, you’re left with wounds. The father’s anger and disappointment that comes when his daughter suggested that she wants to marry a Muslim man comes from his personal pain connected to his past experiences. And reminds him how he had to leave his country because he didn’t see any future in a country that changed its character, so he left with the hope that his children would have better opportunities. I am not a historian, but this story was built after a massive number of interviews with Jewish Iranians in LA, to understand their journey and why this taboo exists and not only from the Jewish religion aspect.

The cast was built with actors from Muslim, Christian, and Jewish backgrounds. This was my biggest fear that the actors would have difficulty with the issue that I was raised here. But each one of them could identify with their personal stories because it is so much more than about religion, but about intergenerational conflicts within families.

7. If you had had the infinite resources to pull it off at the end, would she have set the house on fire?

It’s funny that you mention this option as an alternate ending, because when I wrote the script, I had at least five potential endings. To be honest, I still keep getting suggestions about alternate endings. So many people have imagined their own ending to this film.

I intentionally leave the audience to answer the question, “What is Isfahan going to do?” in their own way. For me, the ending is a metaphor for Isfahan and her feelings. She doesn’t need to kill herself physically, she’s already dead inside. She’s a shell who resigns to live according to her family’s expectations. The Isfahan who considered herself to be a new, modern, American, independent, liberal, free-thinking woman has just given up on herself for the sake of her family. (SPOILER!!!!!)

Do you remember the last scene of The Graduate? They are sitting in the bus, and slowly they start to understand the real meaning and the consequences of their action. So no, I wouldn’t set the house on fire. I hope the message will be stronger this way.

You should ask me what I would do if I were Isfahan!!!

8. All right: What would you do if you were Isfahan?

I’m a rebel. There is no way I will live not according to the values I believe in. I would do things differently from the beginning, but at the same time, I will try my best to create a dialog.

9. Popcorn or candy?

Definitely popcorn and to throw in M&Ms!