Lauren Noll’s HONOR can barely bottle the tension as a young woman lands on a religious hot seat after she is outed

Lauren Noll’s “Honor” isn’t quite a one-woman show, but she wrote, acted, directed, and even sings on the soundtrack of this short film about rules, repression, and a highly ironically named “honor” code. The film which screened recently at the San Luis Obispo International Film Festival, was inspired by her time at Brigham Young University, it cuts back and forth between two incidents in the life of a student named Laine: an intense moment of same-sex love and passion, and the subsequent interrogation by the university staff who consider it a sin and violation. There’s nothing honorable in this level of inquisition, nor the demand that Laine name names to save herself. But the movie asks what we would do in the same situation, and the answer might not be what seems best.

Films Gone Wild caught up with Noll to discuss the intense work and emotions that went into the project.

1. How hard is it to star in something this emotionally intense and be the director as well?

It was definitely challenging. I would never do it again. HA! A director needs to be able to look at a take with a part of the brain that the actor should have shut off. The mental gymnastics of it are wild, but I do fancy myself a multi-tasker who loves a challenge, and hired an incredible team to support me, including someone who served as an acting coach on set, so I was in good hands. Certainly it was a juggling act I was happy to take on for my first short film, but I would not attempt it again.

2.  Did you ever consider casting another lead, or was it always something you had to do for yourself?

I did briefly consider casting another lead, but I more deeply considered hiring another director. I wrote this short from very personal experience, and I am primarily an actor, so it had always been my intention to play the role. In the future, though, I would consider writing/directing or writing/acting, but not all three. 

3. The moment Laine has a mini-meltdown after being caught is the sort of thing I think we don’t see a lot of in movies for fear audiences won’t find it sympathetic. Yet it rings so true. How important was that moment, and how hard was it to get there as a performer?

It’s so interesting you bring this up because I personally have such a hard time watching this scene, but many others have told me it’s their favorite part of the film. I guess I don’t like watching it for the same reason you bring up – I find it hard to sympathize (and I wrote it!). But I had to tell the truth. Flaws are essential to a good character, and my writing teacher told us early on that when we fashion our protagonists after ourselves, we run the risk of not giving them flaws because we want to show ourselves in the best light.

At the end of the day, the events of the film are fictional and didn’t all happen in my own life, but Laine’s fears and conflicts were my own when I was a student at BYU. That scene is just simply the truth for someone in that moment of their journey. As a performer, I did initially try to reign it in and keep it smaller for fear of too much ugliness showing, but my wonderful on set acting coach (who also served as the film’s editor) coached me into the performance that made its way into the final cut.

4. I presume this is based on an actual honor code you’ve encountered or heard about. Is there any sense that things have gotten better? Worse?

Yes, this is based on the Honor Code at Brigham Young University where I attended undergrad. The type of invasive questioning, the threats, etc. are all pulled from real stories I’ve heard. I remember being very scared that information about my own sexuality and the relationship I was in during my final year at BYU (I only made the personal discovery about my attraction to women while I was already a student at BYU.) would get into the wrong hands and I would be turned into the Honor Code and kicked out of school right before earning my degree.

It was a snitching culture – you could get in trouble for knowing information about a roommate or friend and NOT turning them in, even if you hadn’t personally broken the code yourself. Sex before marriage (or anything that would even lead to sex), any homosexual behavior (even dating or holding hands), drinking, failing to attend church meetings were all against the Honor Code. The students protested the fear-based enforcement methods of the Honor Code (though not necessarily the code itself) in April of 2019, which was my inspiration to write “Honor.” I believe some minor changes have been implemented as a result of those protests – more work is necessary, but it’s incredible to see the student body standing up for themselves!

5. The way the case-worker got a little handsy at the end made me infer she may be hiding something herself. Was that intended, or did I read too much into it?

I love that you inferred this! Could be, could be. Closeted folks are no stranger to the LDS Church and the BYU community. Nothing other than Sister Woodbury attempting to provide comfort to Laine was intended, but I want audiences to run with their own interpretations. That’s the fun of making a film and letting it go – audiences can create their own meaning from what resonated for them.

6. I notice you also did vocals on the end credits song. Is that something you do regularly, or was it a matter of convenience?

I do sing regularly! It wasn’t my intention going into this film, but when the composer brought up the idea of vocals in the opening and closing, we didn’t really need to hire anyone else. I was already in the studio with him, anyway. 

7. Popcorn or candy?

Okay, gun to my head, I’d have to say popcorn. But there’s nothing better than a mouthful of hot buttered popcorn and M&Ms AT THE SAME TIME. 🙂